BLAH!!!

I don't get it. This is supposed to feel different. I've been waiting for so long for spring break. It started early for me, even. I scored high enough on the HESI that I do not have to take my final next Monday. The sun was shining (a rare sight as of late). Softball season has begun. (so happy husband and daughter :) All was well and then.....BAM! The stupid cell phone rings as I am driving home from my last clinical day of the quarter. It's T's doctor calling to tell me that her platelets have gone down... again. It's below the magic number. (It's supposed to be at least 50,000 in order for her to play softball. It's now at 40,000). Great! Wonderful! Now what? The doctor says she can play (I can tell she's not too happy, but we are talking about a sophomore in high school who just wants to do what her friends are doing). "Let her play, but have her be careful". So it continues.

I'm tired. I need just a stress vacation. I have so much stuff going on in my head right now and I can't escape. Will next quarter be as hard as this quarter? Will it even be worth it if there aren't any jobs out there? What about....? Oh, and what if...?

And then there's Carson. His last year of high school! Where has the time gone? Where is my little boy? I feel like he has been neglected. (which he probably feels is a good thing, being 18!) I have such great mommy guilt! I am missing the time in my life when my kids were small and I was just a stay-at-home mommie! Life was so simple back then. Everyone was healthy. Oh, the regrets!

Will getting all of this off my chest make it all better? I doubt it. But I don't really feel like I can vent out loud, so this will have to do.

Please, Lord. Show us we are on your radar! I pray healing and peace in my home. Thank you for your kindness to me. I sure don't deserve it! Protect my family, Father. In Jesus' Name!